Looking up

This is my view. 

If you take it at face value, it is a slightly messy deck area, but this is what I see....

While looking at this I am sitting down on my back door step, sitting down for the first time since 7am this morning. I dont know why Big L's pillow is out here, I dont know why the hand towel is on the deck and I am quietly Thanking God for plants that mostly tend themselves (that'll be the stuff that is still alive). 

In the background I can hear my kids eating their loveless meal in front of the tv. 

To be honest I feel a bit tapped out. And quite tired. 

The last couple of months have been hard. I have learned a lot about business, friendship, people and as always mothering. Learning when is the right time to fight and when is the right time to let it go, and accepting whatever comes with that. Learning that people are mean, that is life, but I dont have to be. Being reminded that N has my back and who the ones are that I can trust. 

Knowing that I can trust my instincts. 

I do not mean this to be read as whiny post, rather a commitment to myself that next week this time I will be in a better place. To accept what I cant change and change what I can. 

Done. Next week will be better. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx